The Swing
I decided to tell her the truth whatever it would cost me humiliation …and I had reached to a tiny decision: If I intended to marry her, why wouldn't tell her my story with Nada?
It's true that my relation with Nada hasn't completely over but both of us knows it's over, and what is left from this story is to be buried in the grave, just in one strict word either I say it or she does… All this is not stupidity, not dragging a problem I'm away from it, it's just as a wise friend said...(it's impossible to imagine what could happen if my story with Nada been told to Ghaidaa by another tongue other mine) ..... "You don't know how people tell stories …and you don't know how Ghaidaa understands stories…"
Then, why shouldn't I tell her the truth? Does she think that I spent my life, before I met her, as an angel drags behind him the white robe of virtue? For each one of us his own experience in life …why shouldn't I tell her the truth? Why don't I tell her that I loved her then its over and each one of us found his own deep destiny? On the contrary too, I see she will discover more proofs on my love to her when she knows that her existence in my way was not by chance but my choice... and when she knows too, that I left another woman for her sake, and then I confess to her...
No, honesty must be... even if there is no gain from it, but also there shall not be an loss too... eventually , isn't her right to know everything about me before our hands engage to get along with each other ?
_ You behave like that when you are about to do something...
_ How do I behave?
_ You shake your head violently as if you are getting rid of something or fixing a thing... what about you today?
This creature notices everything …that's why she makes anything easy to say... she reads my gestures clearly, and this is a magnificent thing indeed, she was on the old big seat that sleeps under the shadow of the old pine tree, here was our first meeting... then we used to come to it even without making that a subject for romance..
_ You are right... I want to be honest with you about something...
She folded her gloves, as if she was about to leave, then she raised her black wide eyes into my eyes directly, and anticipated, while I was busy with wiping the back edge of the seat by my finger...
_ You know, there are things that should be told...
_ Of course...
She throws it (the sentence) briefly, and continued waiting...
_ Before I knew you I had a relation with another girl called Nada...
_ Were you in love with her?
_ Yes... but I stopped loving her...
Again she unfolded her gloves over her black purse and said:
_ You stopped loving her? How? Did you close the drawer in the closet?
_ Which closet?
_ Your heart. I imagined that you own a collection of drawers; you open one and close another as you wish...
Infact I was not expecting that things will go in this direction, so suddenly I found myself confused …
_ Stop mocking Ghaidaa, you don't think that I am like a white page spent its life waiting …
_ Of course not, I do understand that I don't deserve your waiting … You've been generous to me by the last line of your white page… isn't it?
How can I move this subject now from this weird road?
I spent a while thinking and silent then I started from the beginning :
_ I was talking about a girl I knew, her name is Nada…
_Was she beautiful?
_ No … kind of …yes… she was beautiful…
_ why haven't you remembered her till now?
_ I said that I want to clear things…
_ You are afraid of hearing the story from someone else other than you? Isn't it?
_ Yes… that's why I wanted to tell you the truth..
She folded her gloves, then opened the purse, threw them into it, and shut it violently:
_You want to block all the other roads around me?.
_ Which roads are you talking about? Don't be stupid… I don't want you to get mad just because someone have twisted the story for you or lied to you…
She looked at me calmly, and I was noticing a deep rage in her eyes…
_ You want to tell the story…and the hero will appear so poor.. I think you will say: she threw her net at me and dragged me behind her?
Foolishly … I shouldn't start this conversation.. How can I get to the point without interruption?. I got close to her, and put my hand behind the back of her back seat.
_ Ghaidaa… try to understand… I had a relation with nada …now it's over… that's all what I wanted to say from the beginning …
She moved a little bit and pushed her head backwards:
_ And why you are saying that to me?
_ Because you have to know…
_ Have you said it to her?
_ No..
She shoke her head, stared at the ground, she seemed to me as if she is going to cry …
_ No, I didn't say it, but she knew it…
_How?
_ I don't know… I think she knew it..
She murmured a mocking whisper, and raised her hair with her fingers..
And asked in cold way:
_ Is that the story?
I shoke my head approving, then she added:
_That means that if I saw you together one day, I must say to myself:
There is nothing and no significance for that... he stopped loving her…isn't that what do you want?
_No, that's not what I want…what I want you to say to whom who will tell you the story: that's not of your business…I know everything…
_but I don't know everything…isn't it? You haven't tell me how many times have you kissed her and how? How many times have you said to her I love you..were you kissing her as you are kissing me now? Closing my eyes with your both thumbs and planting the rest of your fingers in my hair, behind my ears?...
_Ghaidaa…
She stood up holding her purse, and her rage was crazy:
_ I don't know anything…who knows..haven't you said that there is a relation with one…yes, with one…but it is an insignificant relation?
The discussion reached its climax, then I relaxed desperately and closed my eyes, she stepped two steps then she returned then confronted me:
_I hope that you don't consider yourself a knight that girls threw themselves on his feet…you are not but a white liar page …you are a liar..
I heard the nervously echo of her steps as she was walking away, while my eyes were still closed..
*********
This thing will be more easier with Nada..And if things are over with her then it will be easy to make Ghaidaa happy again...that was a deadly point of weakness not to end the relation with Nada before I tell Ghaidaa the truth.. Why I didn't finish it with Nada first? At least Nada leaves the one says all what is in his head before she interrupts him and makes him says all what she does want to say …
_ You came back naughty boy! Haven't I asked you not to come to my work? What's wrong with you? Did missing me hit you?
I was busy with touching a piece of cloth in front of her, and whispered:
_Nada...I have something to say..
_ I will not bring you a chair..you must stay stand up in the shop, haven't I told you that..why you are gloomy?
_ Because of what I will say now…
She smiled and looked at me while she started to fold a piece of cloth around her piece of wood:
_ Don't lie..you are upset because I haven't come to your last date…but believe me, I was so busy..
_ Nada, I am going to marry..
Suddenly I looked up and gathered all my strength to look at her directly, but she kept folding the cloth, and her smile got widened..
_ And in spite of that. you are not going to make me jealous.. search for another lie..
_ Nada, I am not trying to make you jealous…really I am going to marry..
She held the parcel of cloth and put it back in its place, then she returned and looked at me bending on the barrier between us:
_What is the name of the bride?
_ Ghaidaa..
She slightly hit her thigh and shoke her head slowly:
_ My dear…didn't your head helped you but with this romantic name?
You always fall in a tiny hole…why didn't you say Laila for instance, or Zainab, don't you think it's more realistic?
_Nada.. I love her..
_Oh my dear..oh …just because I missed one date makes you hurt me in this way? why don't you stop playing?
No, no that can't continue…I came close to the barrier and caught her from her arms…
_ I am not playing..I love someone called Ghaidaa and I want to marry her…
I got confused and started to search for a point to start again..while she laughed a brief laugh and dragged her arms from my hands and bent on the shelf on cloth:
_ You have shortage in imagination when you want me to see you?
_I don't want to see you.. I want to marry!
_Marry…don't you see that I'm so tough to be jealous from such lies?
Who taught you to reach love by jealousy, you naughty boy?
_ Nobody... nobody taught me.. how can I convince you.. how?
She came nearer from the barrier, and acted the role of the hurt:
_ Oh my dear… I am almost going to die from jealousy… and you are an excellent actor today.. by my honor I swear, my dear, that I've been busy on our date…why don't you believe me?
I was unable to stop my rage, so I exploded:
_Why don't you believe me?
_Me? I belive you completely…
She touched the back of my hand with her fingers, and dropped her head over her chest and raised her eyes with slightly:
_ Have you believed me? Alright.. when do you want me to meet you lover boy?
Note: I tried to translate the phrases as much as I could, and left some sentences as it is literary coz there beauty lies within the words that the writer used.
Dalal S./ juli shaheen
